Monday, January 30, 2012

Mark Parent Is Ready To Drill Some Fools

Growing up playing baseball, I was convinced my ass had a magnet in it. I was beaned more than my fair share of times, and roughly 98% of the pitches that hit me targeted my left ass cheek.

Why was I drilled so much? I don't know. Probably because I'm so handsome, and the pitchers would look in at the plate, see this beautiful face, and be overcome with jealousy. Or maybe I was just ahead of my time and understood the importance of OBP.

Maybe my ass just made a great target.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Paul Konerko Is A Bit Of A Realist

You can always count on Joe Cowley to find the one person on the White Sox that isn't all gumdrops and candy canes about the 2012 season. Cowley followed his nose through all the smiles and optimism to find the grizzled veteran that is Paul Konerko.

The one man who isn't scared to go against the weekend theme and admit that White Sox fans have every reason to be less than optimistic about the season and thrilled with the state of the team.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Only Interesting News From The First Day Of SoxFest

While everybody involved with the White Sox spent yesterday at the Palmer House Hilton reassuring fans that everybody was great and everything was fine, there was really only one tidbit of information that came from the entire day that actually caught my attention.

It wasn't Kenny Williams saying he thought Jake Peavy would be able to pitch over 200 innings next season without breaking out in laughter, either.

No, surprisingly, it came from Bud Selig.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

White Sox Will Televise Six Spring Games

The White Sox will televise six spring training games this, well, spring. So if you're into watching players you may never see again play baseball, then this news probably excites you greatly.

Of course, I say this knowing full well I'll be watching all six of these games as well, as I'll be desperate for baseball by then.

Help Us, Addison Reed, You're Our Only Hope

I feel like it's my duty to remind everyone how terrible the White Sox farm system is at least once a week on this blog, and guess what time it is!

Before you continue to read, maybe head to the fridge or liquor cabinet and grab yourself a beer or a bottle of something stronger. You might need it.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Sunday Home Games Just Got More Interesting

As White Sox fans, we have to take what we can get at this point when it comes to next season, and I'll happily take what the White Sox announced on Wednesday.

For Sunday home games this season the Sox are going to bust out the old 1972 jerseys, which are a lot like the ones the team currently wears, but with red pinstripes in place of black.

Photo of Robin Ventura and Bill Melton via @WhiteSox

The White Sox Have Signed Scott Olsen

The White Sox have countered the Tigers signing of Prince Fielder, you guys!

Jerry Crasnick tweeted on Wednesday that the Sox have signed lefty Scott Olsen. It's a minor league deal that includes an option for 2013.

Adam Dunn And The Stupid Year

If you've paid any attention to this blog since it began, you know I'm not exactly optimistic about what the 2012 season is going to be like for the White Sox. Most people aren't. That being said, if the White Sox are going to exceed expectations this year, one of the things they need to happen is for Adam Dunn to bounce back from one of the worst seasons -- literally -- in MLB history.

Something that Dunn seems to feel he's capable of doing, as he talked to Daryl Van Schouwen about his "one stupid year."

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Tigers Just Got Fatter, Poorer, And Better

So you've no doubt heard by now that the Tigers just came out of nowhere and decided to give Prince Fielder a 9-year $214 million deal. For the last few weeks there were rumors circulating that Fielder might have to settle for a 3-year deal -- on Tuesday Buster Olney even tweeted he might take a 1-year deal -- and then BAM.

Nine years. $214 million.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Jerry Reinsdorf Clears The Air

How much more ridiculous can things get with the White Sox? Pretty damn ridiculous.

Apparently Jerry Reinsdorf is so worried about what Ozzie Guillen might say in the wake of his latest Twitter rant, that the chairman felt the need to issue a release about Guillen's departure from the team.


White Sox Hand Out Spring Training Invites

Fear The Beard's 6.86 ERA and 1.923 WHIP
I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but did you know that we're only 30 days away from pitchers and catchers reporting (February 22) to spring training? That's only a month away. Not too long after that they'll begin playing spring training games, and we'll all start overreacting when some guy we never heard of and is wearing 84 goes 5-for-7 in the first two games.

"Johnny Whothefuckisthat needs to be our new third baseman!"

Then, after a month of meaningless games, the meaningless season will begin. Can you feel the excitement!?

Translating My Interview With The Sun-Times

Yes, that's right you lucky bastards, you get two posts from me today because Fornelli is at the dentist being yelled at for not flossing enough right now. This is the best day you've had in a long time.

I'm also back because I love and respect all of you, my fans. The Hawkaroo figures you probably read my interview with the Chicago Sun-Times' Daryl Van Schouwen, and you were probably a bit confused by what you read.

NotHawk's Monday Mailbag - No I Will Not Shack Up With You

Every Monday on South Side Asylum NotHawk will answer your questions. Your questions do not have to be related to the White Sox, for NotHawk is the smartest man in the world and has answers for everything. He is also incredibly handsome. Send your questions to or ask him on Twitter.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Ozzie Guillen: Feelings Assassin

I've made a conscious decision to generally avoid talking about Ozzie Guillen here because he's gone, like it or not. This is a White Sox blog, and Ozzie is no longer a White Sox, whether certain people want to make sure he's still the story or not.

Personally I think I'm better off collecting canned goods and firearms in preparation for the 2012 season and beyond than worrying about what Ozzie is doing.

That being said, Ozzie's bringing the White Sox back into things, going on Twitter Friday morning to warn the world that he was coming, and he was going to kill some feelings.

SoxFest Schedule Released

I will not be going to SoxFest in a few weeks. There is no political or personal reason for this. I've never gone to a SoxFest, and I don't really have any desire to.

That being said, I know some of you are going or are still thinking about going, and there's not a whole lot going on news wise, so here's the schedule for the weekend's festivities.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Real Identities Of Latin Players On The White Sox

As you may have heard by now, Cleveland Indians pitcher Fausto Carmona was busted in the Dominican Republic, and it turns out his name isn't Fausto Carmona. Nor is he 28 years old.

He's actually 31-year old Roberto Hernandez Heredia.

This is nothing new, and happens a lot more than you think. At least, players change identities before coming from Latin America to the States. Not all are caught, but the Marlins Leo Nunez was recently discovered to be Juan Carlos Oviedo.

We here at South Side Asylum have actually been doing a months long investigation into the identities of several players on the White Sox roster, and what we found out may disturb you.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Red Sox Still Interested In Gavin Floyd

Back in the long long ago of 2011, the White Sox had some discussions with the Red Sox about Gavin Floyd -- along with Carlos Quentin and John Danks -- but those talks didn't amount to much of anything. Danks re-signed, Quentin got shipped to San Diego, and Floyd remained in limbo.

Well, now that the Yankees have added Michael Pineda and Hiroki Kuroda, and a lot of once available pitchers are now off the market, it seems Boston is interested in Gavin again.

White Sox And Rangers To Lead Off On Sunday Night Baseball

Get used to seeing that picture on Sunday night of April 8th.

That's because ESPN released its schedule of Sunday Night Baseball telecasts for the 2012 season and the White Sox and Rangers will finish their opening series of the season on that Sunday night in Arlington.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Latest On Yoenis Cespedes

Yoenis Cespedes is quickly becoming the white whale of the White Sox fan base. From people I've talked to, it's as if signing a Cuban prospect that nobody has ever seen face Major League competition will wipe out an offseason that has included nothing but defections, trades and a terrible new slogan.

Unfortunately, with each passing day, the collective Captain Ahab seems further and further away from its goal.

Victor Martinez Has A Torn ACL

While we're not going to sit here and celebrate a player's injury, we're also not going to pretend that this isn't good news for the White Sox and everyone else in the AL Central not named the Tigers.

Gavin Floyd Is Still On The Block

You may be under the impression that since Kenny Williams hasn't traded anybody since New Years, The Great White Sox Rebuild Of 2012 may be over. And you might be right. The team has already said goodbye to Mark Buehrle, Carlos Quentin, Sergio Santos and Jason Frasor this winter.

Maybe that's it. After all, the guy who was the most tradeable asset, John Danks, signed an extension. However, that just means Gavin Floyd has become Kenny's most valuable trade chip, and apparently that door is still open.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Appreciate The Slogan

While the White Sox haven't officially announced it yet, Joe Cowley broke some news on Twitter Monday night. According to Cowley the new White Sox slogan for 2012 will be "Appreciate The Game."

My honest reaction to hearing it was, naturally, to laugh. It's somewhat impossible to think that the team has gone from "All In" in 2011 to "Appreciate The Game" in 2012 and not laugh. Even if it's only a defense mechanism to fight back the tears currently welling in your eyes.

Anyway, since the slogan hasn't been officially announced yet, I figure there's still time to get it changed if need be. Maybe the team hasn't ordered all those pocket schedules with the slogan on it just yet.

Baseball Prospectus Releases Its List Of Top White Sox Prospects

Last week Baseball America released its list of the top ten prospects in the White Sox organization, and this week it's Baseball Prospectus' turn.

The list isn't glaringly different from the Baseball America list, but there are a few reasons I like Baseball Prospectus' more. First of all, it's not a top ten, it's a top twenty, and I can appreciate Baseball Prospectus being nice enough to pretend there are twenty prospects in the White Sox organization.

NotHawk's Monday Mailbag - Gordon Beckham Knows What's Up

Every Monday on South Side Asylum NotHawk will answer your questions. Your questions do not have to be related to the White Sox, for NotHawk is the smartest man in the world and has answers for everything. He is also incredibly handsome. Send your questions to or ask him on Twitter.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Jake Peavy And Ozzie Guillen: Still Not Bros

It's the winter, which apparently means it's time for Jake Peavy to air his grievances about everybody that was a part of the White Sox organization during the 2011 season. First John Danks was kind enough to tell everybody about how Peavy and Don Cooper were butting heads a bit before the end of the season, and then Peavy made sure to let everybody know that there were no problems and everything is cool.

Of course, while Peavy was saying that bros were bros, he was also saying that Ozzie Guillen needed to go and that the two of them didn't end things on the best of terms either. The duo then kissed and made up on Twitter shortly after, but apparently that truce has come to an end.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Yoenis Cespedes Acknowledges That The White Sox Totally Dig Him

Yoenis Cespedes made his Dominican Winter League debut on Thursday night, with many baseball fans watching the game on the internet. I was not one of them. I instead chose to spend my night watching a Blackhawks fan go all "Joe Namath" on CSN's Sarah Kustok.

What I missed was seeing Cespedes strike out three times, which means he'd be a perfect fit in  the White Sox lineup next year. So it's a good thing that the White Sox were one of the six teams that Cespedes acknowledged had shown a strong interest in him after the game.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Baseball America Lists The Top 10 White Sox Prospects

Just in case the headline to this post didn't give it away, Baseball America released its list of the top ten prospects in the White Sox organization on Wednesday. And, yes, in a way, listing this team's ten best prospects is like listing Nicolas Cage's ten best movies, but we have to deal with what we have for now.

As you'd expect, Addison Reed is currently "The Rock" -- praying Dayan Viciedo becomes "Raising Arizona" --  and everyone else is probably "National Treasure" or "Season of the Witch" but let's just be optimistic for now.

White Sox Drop Some Cash On Venezuela's Luis Martinez

The White Sox have discovered a strange, new land
The White Sox haven't been shy about going after Cuban players in recent years, with the signings of Alexei Ramirez and Dayan Viciedo, along with their reported interest in Yoenis Cespedes. Still, when it comes to signing other Latin American free agents, the team really hasn't spent a whole lot of money recently.

That changed on Wednesday.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Ever Want To Throw Stuff At Bud Selig?

If you've been sitting around wondering whether or not you should attend Soxfest this year, there's some big, exciting news that will no doubt tip the scales on your decision.

The White Sox announced on Tuesday that Bud Selig is going to be attending the first day of Soxfest. That's right, thee Bud Selig. The guy who gets over $20 million a year to attend baseball games and visit play-by-play booths.

I know, I'm excited too!

Tigers Going After Matt Garza

I'm not one of those White Sox fans that feels the need to constantly compare the team with the other one that plays in this city. Sure, from time to time I'll take a playful jab, but for the most part I don't care about the Cubs save for the six times a season they play the White Sox.

Hell, I'll even watch a Cubs game during the day when it's on, and the majority of my friends and family are Cubs fans, so it's somewhat hard to just completely ignore them. 

And while I haven't been ignoring them, Theo Epstein and the new regime are really starting to annoy the hell out of me.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Barry Larkin Is Your Hall Of Fame Class

The newest class of the Hall of Fame was announced just a little while ago and Barry Larkin is the only inductee this year. Which he totally deserves, but as I made clear earlier today, he wasn't the only player who deserved it this year.

As for how everyone else fared, voting totals are after the jump.

My (Non-Existent) Hall Of Fame Ballot

The newest class of baseball's Hall of Fame will be announced today, and though I don't have an actual ballot for the Hall -- injustice! -- that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion about who belongs in and who doesn't. Combine that with the fact that I have a blog, and you know I'm going to share said opinion whether it matters or not.

So I decided that I'd let you know who I would vote for that is eligible this season, and give a little explanation as to why.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Miami Gives Mark Buehrle A Warm Welcome By Not Letting Him Live In Miami

I know Mark Buehrle is gone and now a member of the Miami Marlins, but, come on, he's still Mark Buehrle. He's always going to be a White Sox. Plus this story is just too good.

Since Buehrle is going to be playing in Miami for the next four years, it would make sense that he found himself a place to live while he's down there. But there's one small problem.

He can't live in Miami-Dade County because the county has a law barring pit bulls -- which of course makes me wonder if the people of Miami have never had to be exposed to Dr. Pepper commercials -- and one of Mark's dogs is technically considered a pit bull.

Here's Your Crazy Rumor Of The Day

I wouldn't expect me to make a habit out of writing about every crazed Twitter rumor that comes along involving the White Sox, but since there really isn't shit else going on with the team right now, I'll make an exception for this one.

Mostly because it's coming from a guy on Twitter with 11 followers named Brad Rogers who says his cousin is Gavin Floyd's wife.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Jason Frasor Era Has Come To An End

I wasn't planning on writing anything here today, but you just can't turn your back on Kenny Williams. He'll up and trade somebody without the slightest hesitation.

You may remember earlier this winter when the White Sox exercised the $3.5 million option on Jason Frasor, and you thought to yourself, "It's somewhat odd that we're supposed to be cutting salary yet picking up $3.5 million on a reliever that wasn't very good after we got him from Toronto last season, isn't it?"

It was. But it's no longer a concern. Jason Frasor has been sent back north of the border for two minor league pitchers.

Happy New Year


Welcome to 2012, everyone. According to the Mayans we've only got about 12 months left, so the White Sox better make this season count.

As for me, it's going to be a quiet few days here at the Asylum to start the year. It's a pretty busy time for those of us who cover college football for a year. I'll be making my way to the airport tomorrow morning so I can get down to New Orleans and cover the Sugar Bowl. I won't be back until the fourth, so there won't be any posts here between now and then.

Until then, celebrate with Hawk up there. He looks like he's having a good time.