|We're counting on you this weekend, Mauer|
Who the hell needs actual team records when you can rank teams based on an assortment of different stats that help indicate who the real winners are? Winning on the field is for old people and pederasts.
So let's get to it.
1. Texas Rangers (89-60): The Rangers haven't clinched their division yet, but they do have the lowest Magic Number of any AL division leaders at 10, and I don't think anybody really expects the Athletics to make up a 4-game deficit with only 13 games left to play. So it looks as though the Rangers are going to coast to the finish line atop the rankings. (1)
2. New York Yankees (86-63): The Yankees may have seen their division lead shrink to nothing over the last month, but it hasn't done anything to affect their spot here in the rankings. Yeah, they dropped to third last week, but that had more to do with a terrible week than the Angels actually being better than them. (3)
3. Los Angeles Angels (81-69): Third in the AL West and third in the Power Rankings. Statistically this team should just be better than it is, and on paper this team should be better than it is. It's just not, and even though they're third here it looks like Arte Moreno spent all that money for nothing this season. They should probably just lay down and die for the White Sox. It's the respectable thing to do. (2)
4. Oakland Athletics (85-64): They would have been third but they had to act like a bunch of dicks this week and lose two of three to the Tigers. Okay, no, they'd have been in fourth place anyway, but they still acted like a bunch of dicks. (4)
5. Tampa Bay Rays (80-70): After getting back into the hunt the Rays have fallen off in recent weeks, but they're still clinging to a top five spot. Personally I'm hoping that their playoff hopes are extinguished by the time they come to Chicago next week for a four game series. (5)
6. Chicago White Sox (81-68): While the pain of losing two straight to the Royals is fresh in our minds, the Sox did still go 5-2 this week, which was good enough to bump them up from seventh to sixth. It also increased the gap between them and the Tigers in these rankings and that's just further proof why these rankings should count. (7)
7. Baltimore Orioles (85-64): Unless you're the Orioles, then you think these rankings can go straight to hell. Sorry, Baltimore, I don't know what to tell you other than statistically you're playing way over your heads. I mean that 27-8 record in 1-run games just seems like an anomaly more than anything else. (6)
8. Detroit Tigers (79-70): You're not very good in all reality, Detroit, but you still terrify me. As does your defense, but for entirely different reasons. (8)
9. Seattle Mariners (70-80): Don't worry, Seattle, next season you'll have Houston around to boost that record of yours. (9)
10. Boston Red Sox (68-83): Only a few more weeks before you get to fire Bobby Valentine and blame everything on him. (10)
11. Toronto Blue Jays (66-82): Every time I see the Blue Jays and I wonder where they'd be in the AL Central. Even with the injuries I bet they'd still be in semi-contention right now. They are 18-16 against the division and that would probably be good enough. (11)
12. Kansas City Royals (68-81): My mother always taught me that if I didn't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Well, I haven't listened to my mother since I was 13, so fuck you, Kansas City. Fuck you very much. If you don't win some games against Detroit I will proclaim North Carolina as the capital of barbecue. (12)
13. Minnesota Twins (62-88): I'm rooting for you this weekend, Minnesota. This is what life and the White Sox inability to manufacture runs for the last two months has reduced me to. (13)
14. Cleveland Indians (62-88): Haven't seen you in months but we still have 6 games left against you. Just roll over. We'd do the same for you, I swear.
Last week's rankings can be found here.