Monday, March 5, 2012

NotHawk's Monday Mailbag: Rush Limbaugh Has It All Wrong


Every Monday on South Side Asylum NotHawk will answer your questions. Your questions do not have to be related to the White Sox, for NotHawk is the smartest man in the world and has answers for everything. He is also incredibly handsome. Send your questions to NotHawkTwitter@gmail.com or ask him on Twitter.

How do you feel about being voted the 31st commentary booth in MLB when there are only 30 teams? - @eloera1

I've gotten this tweet, in one form or another, about 80 times this week. Some people asked for the Mailbag, others were just people wanting to know.

All of them are idiots.

How do I feel about it? WELL IF ONLY I'D WRITTEN AN ENTIRE GOD DAMN POST DEDICATED TO IT A FUCKING WEEK AGO. THEN WE COULD KNOW FOR SURE HOW I FELT.

Is it true that you once referred to Doug Mientkiewicz as a "magician" over at first base? - @p_ross1

I say a lot of things, so maybe. I don't know. I get drunk a lot. And high. I get really, really high. Why do you ask, anyway? It's not like Mientkiewicz was a butcher at first base. The man did win a Gold Glove and had a career UZR of 41.7 in 8 seasons at first base.

So it's not like he sucked. He wasn't good at the end of his career, but we call that age. So I'm going to need you to specify when I supposedly said it. If I said it early in his career it's because I was fucking right.

If I said it late in his career it's because, as I've already said, really high or really drunk. Possibly both. And when you are really high or really drunk and possibly both, it's really fun to say "Mientkiewicz" and "magician."

Go ahead try. It's fucking fantastic.

Which is more fun: irritating Darrin Jackson by outsmarting him or irritating Steve Stone because you're an arrogant jackass? - @DanKveton

Wait a second, you're asking me a question about Steve Stone and I'M the arrogant jackass? Have you ever listened to Steve Stone talk? I'm more or less the drunken uncle who is never wrong.

Steve Stone IS the arrogant jackass.

YOU'RE the idiot.

If Rios and Dunn are batting third and fifth and perform like last year, will Paul Konerko have more walks than hits? - @ChiSoxFanDan

If you aren't familiar with what Dan is talking about, Alex Rios is batting third against the Dodgers today and Adam Dunn is hitting fifth with Konerko between them, and the common belief is that this is the lineup Robin Ventura plans on using during the season.

As for the answer to the question, yes. Yes he will.

You must be excited to learn that women who practice birth control are considered prostitutes by Rush Limbaugh and his supporters. Doesn't this expand your "opportunities?" - Sleepless in Slutsville

I'm glad somebody asked me about this, because I've been pissed off at Rush Limbaugh since he made the comments. The fact that asshole could say something so terrible and still have a job mortifies me.

I mean, the gall it takes to do what he did.

How the fuck are you gonna compare prostitutes to some liberal hippie chick who probably doesn't shave her armpits and goes to Georgetown? And a future lawyer at that!?

Oh fuck you, Rush. Fuck you so hard.

I'm sick and tired of people not appreciating prostitutes and what they do for society. Yeah, sometimes I kill them. So what. They know the deal when they become prostitutes.

Much like a firefighter chooses his job knowing he may burn to death in a fire, prostitutes become prostitutes knowing that one day they may be choked to death and then cut up into pieces with their body parts left on the porches of my ex-girlfriends.

Caveat artifex.

Aside from that, they provide a service to men, women, boys, girls, and housepets everywhere. If you have the previously decided upon amount of money, they'll do just about anything you ask them too.

The kind of shit Sandra Fluke wouldn't do if you bought her a house, a car, gave her two kids and spent 25 years married to her first.

Oh, and when you're done, the prostitutes leave.

Sandra Fluke wants to be a lawyer. If you want her to leave it's going to cost you at least half your shit.

So to degrade prostitutes by comparing them to liberal college kids makes me sick, and a fucking apology isn't good enough, Rush. You should be flogged in public.

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