Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Twins Are The White Sox Arch-Rival, So Sayeth The Law


Back in June of 2004 a fight broke out at US Cellular Field. I know, it's shocking to me too. I've never seen such behavior at The Cell, or any other baseball stadium. Still, it did happen, and there are court documents to prove it.

That's because Marianne Fricano was at the game with her husband, brother-in-law and her brother-in-law's girlfriend. Long story short, because this isn't the important part of the story, and the lede is getting buried even deeper, Fricano's husband and brother were yelling at Indians fans in attendance.

Then an off-duty cop stepped in and said "HEY, WHY YOU GOTTA TALK LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF MY KIDS, YOU DUMB FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT SON OF A BITCH?"*

So then the off-duty cop and the two morons got into a bit of a kerfuffle, and Marianne Fricano also got into a fight with the off-duty cop's wife. Well, then security showed up to break it up, and Fricano was thrown out of the stadium, blah blah blah.

So she decided to sue the White Sox for some reason, saying she was mistreated. Anyway, who cares, if you're that interested, read the entire affidavit.

The only paragraph in the entire thing that really matters is this one, from the first paragraph of the court's decision.
Fricano asserts that the Cleveland Indians are “the arch rival” of the Chicago White Sox. While the two teams maintain a healthy rivalry, this court notes that it is generally accepted, at least among informed baseball followers, that the title of arch rival belongs to the reviled Minnesota Twins, to be shared, during inter-league play, with the Chicago Cubs.
That's right! According to the Cook County Court the Twins are the White Sox rival! So anytime one of your dumb friends says different, have that idiot arrested!

Also, while I'm not a lawyer and can't be sure, ** I think this also means Sox fans can feel free to attack Twins players both on and off the field.

So, get to hitting Justin Morneau over the head with a shovel already.

Kneecap Joe Mauer.

Force a Twins pitcher to throw harder than 87mph.

TORTURE THEM! TORTURE THEM ALL!

*may not be actual quote

**I am not a lawyer, but I'm totally sure this is not legal. That said, I still want you to do it.

Via Hardball Talk

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