Monday, February 13, 2012

NotHawk's Monday Mailbag - Shit Just Got Serious For A Minute

Every Monday on South Side Asylum NotHawk will answer your questions. Your questions do not have to be related to the White Sox, for NotHawk is the smartest man in the world and has answers for everything. He is also incredibly handsome. Send your questions to or ask him on Twitter.

Who's a better backup quarterback option for the Bears, Caleb Hanie, Mitch Mustain, or Chris Sale? - @eriqjaffe

I'm not sure, but I can tell you that Kenny Williams did give Caleb Hanie a call to see if he wanted to come to spring training with the team. Seeing Hanie miss all those receivers convinced KW that he could walk just as many batters as any other middle reliever we end up with, and he'll do it for the league minimum!

To answer your actual question, I'd go with Mustain for the Bears. He's good with a gun.

Who on the Sox roster is most likely to run a Sam Hurd-esque drug ring out of the clubhouse? - @shootsdogs

This is going to sound racist as hell, but that's because it is and it's also because racism makes sense sometimes. Wait, that didn't sound how I wanted it to sound. What I meant was racism isn't always a bad thing.

Hmm, that didn't really fix things did it. Shit, maybe I'm just racist.

Fuck it, I'd go with Alexei Ramirez because he's Cuban, and Cuba is poor, so he would sell drugs to make money. Though it could be any of our Latin players because all Latin countries are poor and all of them sell drugs.

I'll say Brent Lillibridge too, because he's white and it makes me seems less racist. Plus he lives in Washington during the offseason, and they make a shit ton of meth up there and they have all that Canadian weed from British Columbia. Oh, and since Brett's so tiny, if he were caught he'd be charged as a minor.

Now that Whitney Houston is dead, are you happy that there's more cocaine around for you? - Jason, Orland Park

If I could be serious for a moment about this, I'd appreciate it. I made a joke about her death when I found out because that's what Whitney Houston had become over the last 15 years: a joke.

The only time her name was mentioned was when somebody did a good or terrible job singing the national anthem or when somebody was making a joke about crack. That's it.

Then when she died, like so many others, she became some sort of legend. And it's bullshit. Was Whitney Houston talented? Fuck yes she was. She had an amazing voice and it's a shame that her life took the path it did.

But she wasn't a fucking legend. She had some hit songs and a hit movie. Lots of people have done that and not been considered legendary because of it.

Also, just because you have a talent and die young doesn't make you a legend. Talented people in all walks of life die young every fucking day and nobody notices. Nobody cares.

But when it's somebody who had a few hit songs when you were younger, well, that changes everything!

And I think that's the root of what I see as the problem. The world we live in today, information moves really fast. Like a lot of people, I found out about her death on Twitter.

One of the worst great inventions of all time.

Twitter not only gives us all a place where we can share our opinion, but also gives us "followers." Talk about an ego stroke.

So as our own God, we must impart our thoughts and wisdom on our congregation. But we can't just say "Hey, Whitney Houston is dead" cuz that's boring and everyone already knows.

We need to make sure what we say is important, and we have to make sure our followers know we FEEL THIS TOO.

So the word "legend" gets tossed out because we live in a world where just about everything has become hyperbole.

Within minutes there were hundreds of people in my timeline telling me she was dead and WHY THAT'S IMPORTANT.

A bunch of morons saying things like "I remember being 6 years old when she sang the anthem at the Super Bowl, and even then I knew it was something special."

Go fuck yourself. You don't remember a god damn thing, all you remember is the memories of other people. You just need to feel fucking important so you spit out bullshit like that.

And I think the reason people want her to suddenly be a legend is exactly that: so that they can make THEMSELVES feel important.

"This person mattered when I was younger, and if they matter now, then in a way, I MATTER NOW."

Mix in a little nostalgia with that ego, and you get what we're getting with Whitney Houston right now.

In reality she was just a talented singer who was bad at love and life. Like so many of us. She was no different, and no better than you or me.

She was no more a legend than you or I.

Ok, you. I'm a fucking legend, and when (if) I die, you assholes better mourn for years.

1 comment:

  1. @NotHawk huge twitter fan here... Love the article. Think I could get a follow on twitter? It would mean a lot... @TotalKennyMove... I think you'll like it.


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