Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Real Identities Of Latin Players On The White Sox


As you may have heard by now, Cleveland Indians pitcher Fausto Carmona was busted in the Dominican Republic, and it turns out his name isn't Fausto Carmona. Nor is he 28 years old.

He's actually 31-year old Roberto Hernandez Heredia.

This is nothing new, and happens a lot more than you think. At least, players change identities before coming from Latin America to the States. Not all are caught, but the Marlins Leo Nunez was recently discovered to be Juan Carlos Oviedo.

We here at South Side Asylum have actually been doing a months long investigation into the identities of several players on the White Sox roster, and what we found out may disturb you.

It turns out that none of the Latin American players on the current 40-man roster are who they say they are. What this means for the future, we don't know for sure, but in the interest of the truth, we share the facts with all of you here.

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Pedro Michel Hernandez, 22
REAL NAME AND AGE: Pedro Borbon, 65

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Gregory Alexander Infante, 24
REAL NAME AND AGE: Little Greg, 32

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Jhan Carlos Marinez, 23
REAL NAME AND AGE: Juan Martinez, 23

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Nestor Molina, 22
REAL NAME AND AGE: Josh Malina, 46

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Jose Quintana, 22
REAL NAME AND AGE: John Smith, 25

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Eduardo Jose Escobar, 22
REAL NAME AND AGE: Eddie Money, 62

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Osvaldo Martinez, 23
REAL NAME AND AGE: Ozney Guillen, 22

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Alejandro De Aza, 27
REAL NAME AND AGE: Alex of Ass, 29

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Alexis Israel Rios, 30
REAL NAME AND AGE: Jerry Owens, 30

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Dayan Viciedo, 22
REAL NAME AND AGE: Diana Spencer, deceased

LISTED NAME AND AGE: Alexei Ramirez, 30
REAL NAME AND AGE: Sammy Davis III, 45

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