Tuesday, November 22, 2011

What You'd Find In NotHawk's Home


If you didn't already hear about it, some idiot broke into Kenny Williams' house, drank his beer, ate his pizza, defrosted some lobster, probably sniffed his underwear, wore his clothes and stole his World Series ring. Which is hilarious. As funny as it all is, after about 10 minutes of laughing I began to think, what if it had been me?

What if some deranged psycho broke into the Hawkaroo's Chicago pad while he wasn't around? What would he find?

Well, in an effort to make sure that doesn't happen, I've decided that I'll let you know about everything that is currently in my Chicago estate. It isn't much because I'm rarely there, so there's not much you'll find worth your time.
  • One king-sized bed, not made
  • A fridge filled with beer, milk, water and more beer
  • A freezer filled with pizza, a bottle of scotch and a bottle of vodka
  • One small couch
  • A tv, with cable, no DVR
  • A tarp, either on the floor or on the bed
  • Buckets
  • Scrubbing brushes
  • Mops
  • Anywhere between 5-15 gallons of bleach
  • Shovels
And if you happen to show up at the wrong time, you'll find me, pantless and holding a shotgun.

So break in if you must, but you'll probably regret it.

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