Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Mark Buehrle, Jake Peavy Go On Hunting Trip In Ohio

ZANESVILLE, Ohio - White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle and Jake Peavy made the trip to Ohio on Tuesday to help out local authorities who were dealing with a group of exotic animals that had been let loose from a local Ohio farm after the farm's owner released the animals before killing himself.

Two avid hunters, Buerhle and Peavy saw the trip as something they had to do, as it was a once in a lifetime experience.

"There aren't many chances that come along like this," said Buehrle. "First of all, you don't want anyone in the area to get hurt. I have kids and I would be terrified of the thought of my children being eaten alive by a tiger while playing at the park. I worry about that every day, which is why I bring my guns with me when I take my kids to the park.

"Second of all, holy [expletive], man. There are [expletive] lions and tigers and bears out there. OH MY. You'd normally have to spend a lot of money to go to Africa to get a chance to hunt a lion. This is right here in the United States! "

The White Sox pitching duo hopped in Buehrle's truck and began the trek as soon as the news broke on Tuesday.

"Yeah, we put enough guns in the truck to invade a small country, or possibly even Canada," said Peavy. "We brought some grenades too, because if the tigers attacked us in a pack or something, we didn't want to be caught unprepared."

Though Peavy doesn't always approve of the use of weapons.

"Listen, I'm just a simple country boy from Alabama. I don't like killing animals with guns. If I had my choice, I'd be wrestling these bears with my bare hands. But there are lives in danger here, and I couldn't live with myself if somebody died because it took me too long to choke a bear to death.

"Sometimes you just have to put the needs of the many before the needs of the you."

According to local authorities, 44 animals have been killed or captured since escaping, but six animals still remain on the loose.

Buehrle says that as long as animals remain unaccounted for, he and Peavy will be there.

"As long as they're out there, we're out there. Until we run out of beer, anyway."


  1. I, for one, feel so much safer.

    (Especially because I'm nowhere near Ohio.)

  2. What amazes me is that Jake is able to fire a gun without tearing something.


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